i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
