Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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