...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
