farters have to be the big spoon...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
