YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
