So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
