i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
