New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
