i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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