that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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