just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
