I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
