you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
