she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she peed on how many people?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
