how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
