I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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