Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
