He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
