Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
