it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
