By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
