i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
