he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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