Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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