im six kinds of drunk right now
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
