I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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