My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
