He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
