my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
