If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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