Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you had me at cake vodka
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
