Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dick very happy bro
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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