Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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