ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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