I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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