i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Michael Bay diarrhea
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
