remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
BRING THE BAGELS
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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