the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i came on her dog
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
