this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
