I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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