She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
