I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
