that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
