Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
