Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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