it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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