I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
