I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
