is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
