apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
