I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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