I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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