Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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